‘Clubbers Guide 2009’ – Ministry of Sound.
I must have experienced a recent ‘growth spirt’; it’s the only way I can explain this small fleck of self-control I seem to have developed; how the hell I managed to drag myself through the load of crap i’ve been listening to for the past couple of weeks is completely beyond me.
This ‘big-load-of’ has been dubbed by the macro of musically-inept public as the ‘Ministry Of Sound, Clubbers Guide 2009’. It is a burdensome compilation of ‘doofs’ and ‘TAH’s’, and probably the most boring, dreary album I have ever had the misfortune of listening to. The whole album seems to be a never-ending soundtrack for a Super Mario game…on PC!
I absolutely hated this album. I am at a loss to understand how anyone could ‘dance’ to this garbage! Sure, if you like big, long, boring sequences of ‘taps’,’doofs’,’tings’ and ‘kicks’ without any musical technicality or melody what-so-ever, then totally listen to this album.
Put simply, it sounds like a clump of exploding robot.
There are a few decent guest appearances on the album. The Stafford Bros, The Ashton Shuffle, The Presets, Benny Benassi and Bunny Lake are a breath of fresh air, but they don’t weigh their half of the scale down in comparison. Listening to this album will subject you to the likes of trashy ‘Tommy Trash’, mashed ‘Michael Woods’, jerk-off ‘Jaimy’, charstrate-me ‘Christian Falk’ and bloody ‘Bodyrox’.
The frustration and hatred I have for this album is immeasurable. The genuine lack of effort and talent is astounding; I really have no idea why the heck they produced this album! Did it sell well? This album could have put the ministry (and should have put the ministry) out of business!Ministry of Sound used to produce quality music. Their early Chillout Sessions series were incredible, and now they have recked their good reputation with this crock of s**t that they are presently releasing. Yuuuuuugggh.
What impresses me about the music industry is that it allows for the ‘hand / ear crafted’ and for raw talent and skill. This album makes a complete joke of it. This album sounds like a cheap imitation of someone elses sound all the way through. I’m not even going to attempt to analyze any of the music because frankly, it all just sounds like one big, long fart; ‘Mind Dimension 2’ by Tiga. I wouldn’t insult what little intelligence i have.
I really cant tell you enough about the new level of ‘low’ this album has discovered. As far as i’m concerned, I won’t be buying / listening to any more Clubbers Guides again. Actually, scrap that; I wont be buying / listening to any more Ministry of Sound dance albums ever again. As far as i’m concerned, Ministry need new talent on their discs; actually, they just need talent full stop.
I don’t really go clubbing all too often, but is this what they are playing in the clubs these days? If so, I guess i’m not really missing out. Now that I think about it, the bad music might just explain the limitless amount of drunk people in the city of a weekend; you’d have to be absolutely hammered to listen to this crap. Seriously… This sort of music is what I like to call ‘Fad-Music’; in twenty years time, no-one will be listening to it, and no-one is ever going to remember it to show to their children. It will just fade out, and all the DJ’s will adjust their sound to suit whatever is popular; I mean, even these poor souls need to earn a buck right?
This sort of rubbish will never amount to ‘timeless’ artists like James Taylor, Cat Stevens, The Stones, Ella Fitzgerald, The Birds or Sting. Even more ‘contemporary’ bands or artists like The Black Keys, Kings Of Leon, Angus & Julia Stone, Ben Harper, Something For Kate and Bjork will far outlive this screwed up robotic posse.
To all you people out there who like this album – good for you. Wallow in your musical-ineptness.
Overall, this album gets 0 STARS. Do not listen to it! It will polute your mind with crapness.